Oprah.com, via cnn.com, put up a charming little article for ladies who struggle to command sexual attention with a lick of the lips or a sway of the hips. In fact, their advice may well assist the gentlemen in the audience, too. It seems that there are two main routes to flirting, the smolderingly sexy route and the confident and independent route. Summaries after the jump.
Route 1: Smoldering Body Language
These are the steps we all recognize: “Women smiled, gazed, swayed, giggled, licked their lips and aided and abetted by the wearing of high heels; they swayed their backs, forcing their buttocks to tilt out and up and their chests to thrust forward.” (Joann Ellison Rodgers) This is the fiddling and hair flipping that we’re so famed for, both when we want to look hot and when we want to look brainless… or both. But, as effective as this can be, it’s not the route for everyone. For those who hate to force it, or simply don’t want to go that route, science has recognized a refreshing option… one that some of us recognized a long time ago.
Route 2: Show Interest & Be Interesting
When we appear vulnerable, which is the same body language we display when earnestly paying attention, we send a sexual signal to the object of our desire. Allow them to shine for you, and listen intently. You’re likely to have hands palm up, your head tilted, and lots of eye contact. On the other hand, you should also offer this to your partner: be really interesting! People who are passionate and in the mode of learning and experiencing their areas of interest are downright hot. The sensual artist who takes no notice of her or his suitors while immersed in creativity is the perfect example of this. The amazing Esther Perel notes this in her book “Mating in Captivity.” She points out that we’re interested in our established partners when we see them in a new light: as independent and successful, such as when presenting to an audience or playing music.
So, ladies with hair to short to flip and gentlemen who aren’t interested in swinging their hips to attract a mate can take heart. Not only are great listening skills a great bet, but so is going out to achieve your dreams and passions. Be interesting, and you might just find someone listening, head cocked, and perhaps even giggling a bit when you notice them…
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