Please welcome Mistress160, an Australian lifestyle dominant and fetish educator who lives in a 24/7 female dominant relationship with her masochist and submissive husband solipsist. This might just be our best interview to date, so get ready to hear it straight from this amazing woman’s fingers!
Please tell us, what is your fetish?
I don’t have a single fetish. If you wanted to put a very specific label on me I am a female dominant who practices BDSM, which covers a wide range of fetishes and kinks. I am also a sadist, which means I enjoy the infliction of pain on a consensual partner. My husband is a masochist who enjoys receiving pain. He is also submissive, which complements my own dominant side. We have been together many years.
How common do you think your fetish is?
BDSM is more common than most people think. A recent academic study presented at the World Association of Sexual Health Congress in Sydney revealed that two per cent of Australian men and 1.4 per cent of women admit to enjoying dominance, submission and sadomasochism-type sex in the past year. However researchers involved in the phone survey of 20,000 people say they expect many more Australians are engaging in the practice but unwilling to label it BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination and submission). If I may quote a local newspaper:
“There will definitely be more men and women who have sexual tastes in this direction but won’t call it this,” said Dr Juliet Richters, of the University of New South Wales. “They might not like sex magazines but they just happen to like being tied up and spanked as part of foreplay. Ask them if they’re into BDSM they’ll say ‘Yuck, no’.” People who engaged in the habit were more likely to be sexually adventurous in other ways, like trying anal sex and phone sex, looking at internet pornography or using sex toys. “These are people for whom sex is a hobby,” Dr Richters said.
“Researchers said the study helps break down the reigning stereotype that people into bondage and discipline were damaged as children and were therefore “dysfunctional”. “We really found that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” Dr Richters said. “They’ve just got a broader and more unusual sexual repertoire than most.” (source)
Female Domination is also very popular within the kinky community. Wikipedia describes it as referring “to BDSM activities where the dominant partner is female; the submissive partner may be of either sex. It can also refer to non BDSM based relationships, that are based on power exchange and Dominance and submission, where the general overall relationship dynamic is female led, and the female dominance is not solely, or only partly defined on BDSM interests”.
Does your fetish, or people who participate in it, have any catchy titles?
BDSM stands for many subdivisions in kinky culture: B&D (bondage and discipline), D/s (domination and submission) and S&M (sadism and masochism). You can read more about the term on Wiki.
And of course FemDom, for female domination.
Does your fetish impact your daily life?
Absolutely. Firstly, the kinky relationship I enjoy with my husband is central to our lives. In fact, we recently moved from suburbia to an isolated environment with complete privacy so as to take our relationship further.
Secondly, I am very active in BDSM education, both real time and online, because there is concern within the kinky community of the standard of education available to new kinksters online. My BDSM For Beginners blog has become very popular, and I also moderate several kinky forums and educational / support groups.
This means during a typical day in cyber space you might find me teaching an online training course to male submissives, or moderating a discussion in my new female sub group, or judging a cross dressing photo contest. In real time I might be caning my husband, writing an article for (Australia’s alternative journal) Kink-E Magazine or organizing a kinky or sex educational event. Actually this week I’m in Sydney helping with Midori’s latest educational tour in Oz, organized by Uber.
So as you can see, kinky life is always interesting!
How do you incorporate your fetish into your sexual experiences?
As Wiki noted, some people keep their BDSM play separate to sex but we don’t. With BDSM the possibilities and variations are endless. We enjoy forced chastity, orgasm denial, bondage, queening, forced feminization and pegging (strap-on play) as well as impact play (such as caning, flogging, hot wax play and cock and ball torture). We also practice what’s called Edge Play (fire play, fire cupping, electrical play, play piercing, knife play etc).
There are many examples of how we incorporate these into our sex life on my blog Mistress160’s Abode, but please don’t go there unless you are okay with pix of BDSM play, because all my posts are illustrated very graphically.
Is there anything you have to be particularly careful about with this fetish? If so, how do you handle it?
I’ve been speaking in very general terms so this is a bit hard to answer, but of course yes there are risks with any BDSM play, especially impact play and edge play. Players in the kinky community practice codes called Safe, Sane and Consensual and Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
What really works for you about this fetish, what aspects turn you on?
Submission itself is an incredible turn on, the power exchange involved. There is something incredibly erotic about having a man on his knees. Plus my husband’s masochistic nature allows me to express my own sadistic desires as well as providing a challenge to discover new ways to provide intense sensation for him.
How do people react when you share your fetish with them, if anyone knows?
Most kinksters have to conceal their desires and interests from what we call the vanilla world. However, within the kinky community our kind of lifestyle is regarded as quite normal. This is why I encourage people to find their local scene – being around like minds provides support, networking and friendship.
How do you go about finding partners that share your interest?
I’ve been lucky in that my life partner shares my interests, being both submissive and a masochist. However if I was looking for a partner I would look both online (via alternative lifestyle sites like alt.com, collarme.com, mydungeonspace.com and fetlife.com) and within my local scene. I’ve written about how to find your local scene on my BDSM for Beginners blog here.
Can you recommend any resources for people who want to learn more or might even share your fetish?
I highly recommend Midori’s “Wild Side Sex: the book of kink”, which covers a wide range of educational and erotic topics. As someone concluded in their 2006 Amazon.com review: “It feeds your mind, your imagination, your soul, and is also educational. Midori is a treasure”. I also encourage everyone (not just kinksters but anyone interested in adventurous sex) to attend her classes, which are held worldwide. You can find out more about her books and classes at her website.
Online, my BDSM For Beginners blog is a good place to start, for general practical information, while my personal blog provides a good example of a Femdom marriage at work. Collarncuffs.com provides wonderful Femdom resources, plus a very active forum.
Anything else you would like to add?
I’m often asked for further details about my D/s marriage. If anyone reading this is interested you can find my back story here:
A D/s Life: Becoming dominant
A D’s Life: Becoming Mistress160
Beautifully done, Mistress160 – thank you so much!
Read all of our Twisted Tuesday posts – here