May 142009
 

Tongue Teaser Vibe - Looks Promising, Doesn't Perform.

Tongue Teaser Vibe - Looks Promising, Doesn't Perform.

Toy: Tongue Teaser Vibe, disposable oral/tongue vibrator

Price: $5-$15

Can be purchased at most sex stores, especially those that sell cheaper products.

The Tongue Teaser Vibe consists of a pink, rubbery tongue with a disposable vibe inside and an attached rubber loop meant to fit over the tongue.  I envisioned a wealth of uses for this little gem of a concept; from a playful enhancement for fully mobile couples to a useful tool for mobility altered lovers seeking to capitalize on a willing tongue when manual vibrators are not an option.   What a fun surprise to sneak up on one’s partner for a intimate, buzzing licking!  The sales lady promised it was as good as it looked, especially the flickering tip of the rubber tongue.  I was so sold on the idea that I bought two different brands, this one and one other without the pseudo-tongue encasing the vibe.  Hopefully the other one will be better…. When I saw this in it’s lovely little box I ran right over.  It seemed to promise so much fun, and for a mere $10!  I wanted it to work, I really did.  Frustratingly, it was a complete and total waste of time, money, and effort.

Read the full details after the jump:

What went wrong, you ask?  Simple.  The loop that fits around the tongue simply did not hold the little vibe on.  A tongue is a flexible narrowing muscle, after all, and so it makes sense that a stretchy band would eventually slide down the tongue and fall off.  He wore it.  She wore it.  They kept their tongues still.  They moved their tongues around.  They tried to hold it on with their teeth.  It didn’t matter, the thing always came off within a couple of minutes.  The idea held potential to tease and please the bodies of all genders, but it ended up being an upsetting distraction to both testers.

What if the thing stays on your tongue after all?  You’re need ample finger strength and coordination to turn the vibe on and off, but if you have that it might work well.  It is also worth noting that there was a lot of squishy spit in the Tongue Teaser’s hole (containing the vibe) at the end of it all.  This spit had taken on a very pink tint, strongly suggesting that the coloring from this product leaks.  I have no idea if that is a health concern or not, but we thought you should know.

My fellow explorers: I still want to find a tongue vibrator that works!  Have you ever tried one?  If so, was your experience like that of our testers or did you have more success?  Be sure to include the brand name!

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  22 Responses to “Toy Review: Tongue Teaser Vibrator”

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