It is an honor to bring you this week’s interview, but first I have to force myself to stop drooling over the luscious photo of Lady Evyl at the top of the post! Lady Evyl is an delicious sadistic female dominant, and the webmistress of the beloved KinkySexLink. Click below to read her interview as she tells us about what she does, and how she does so very, very well…and to see a few more juicy more pics!
Please tell us, what is your fetish?
I am active in the BDSM lifestyle and am know as a Dominant woman, Domme, or Mistress. I would not call it a single fetish, more many that come from it. I have many favorite activities such as flogging, spanking, bondage and foot worship (have mine worshiped of course). But I also enjoy less frequent ones like electro-play, cupping and cell popping (a temporary form of branding).
How common do you think BDSM is?
That is hard to say. Statistically they say 10 to 14% of the population participates in some for of BDSM activity. But that can be a vanilla couple (what we call non-fetish people) including a little spanking in their lovemaking. Also it is very fashionable for today’s young adults to attend fetish events. They dress the part but may not participate in BDSM play. So it is not very common to be as involved as I am, even less publicly.
So, this is all called BDSM?
Yes, it is commonly referred to as domination or BDSM. BDSM is an acronym of BD (bondage and discipline), DS (domination and submission), and SM (sadism and masochism).
How do you incorporate your fetishes into your sexual experiences?
Although dominating a sub is a major turn on, it does not have to be a sexual exchange. But if it is with the right person it’s the best foreplay in the world. When I do a scene, I start off by having the sub strip and kneel before me. Then I place a collar on them. After that, well, it’s what ever I feel like. It can be servitude, from cleaning my house to giving me a bath, perhaps I’ll be in the mood to give a spanking, a flogging or another form of impact play. Maybe I am lazy that day and will just have the sub pamper me and be a foot stool. Bondage is a favorite; I really like tying up the sub and then taking advantage of them. This is always a fun time to do a little CBT (cock and ball torture) or tickling. I am considered quite sadistic. Or I may feel like having the company of a puppy and make the sub play the role of a dog. But I may be in a sensual mood and just put on a blindfold and play with sensations like nails, ice, feathers, massage. My imagination can run its course.
Is there anything you have to be particularly careful about with this fetish? If so, how do you handle it?
Oh yes, safety on all levels. Physically: impact play, bondage, and other forms of physical play is an art and must be learned and practiced. If we’re not careful a sub can be seriously harmed. Mentally: you have to be careful of the impact of your play and make sure it is nothing that could become detrimental in the long run: activities here would include humiliation and mind-fuck. And emotionally: after a play scene a Dominant should always take the necessary time to bond and rest with the sub until they can function normally again: what we call “aftercare.” It’s important to remember a person who submits to a dominant does it freely and must still be respected as a human being.
How would I go about learning about this fetish?
First start off with an open-mind, go one step at a time, and be patient. It’s a lot of new info to absorb and it will take time for your thoughts to be process. To learn about it read, read, read, and read. Then let things sink in. Trust me, the opinion you made one day will completely change a week later. Go to a local munch (a public diner without the intimidation) and meet people in the scene. We don’t bite, we like to welcome and teach new people. When you are ready, go to a local BDSM play party. You don’t have to play, you can just watch. Finally make a friend with an experienced player and let them teach you how to play safely. And lots of practice helps.
What really works for you about this fetish? What aspects turn you on?
Having another person place complete trust and their faith in my hands is a major rush. Having someone who will do anything you ask (and I mean anything) just for the purpose of pleasing you is intoxicating. Being able to push someone beyond their personal limits, especially in impact play, is exhilarating. Bringing a sub into subspace (a trans-meditative space) is very intense, it shows you the impact I can have on a person. And yes with a partner I like sexually it gets me very wet and sexually turned-on.
Would you please tell us a story or two about sexual experiences you’ve had involving your fetish?
How perverted of you to ask. [editor’s note: Yes, I’m blushing!] I’ll answer gladly ha ha. I’ll give you one story. Lets see, which one. Well I had a sub at one point I just adored. He turned me on physically, mentally, socially, a real hottie. And he barely had any limits and was a masochist and big on full restraint. So one day I decided to try alone (because I learned with other people) a full mummification scene with him. I proceeded with the mummification by slowly wrapping his entire body in a couple of layers of saran-wrap. Yes there was a breathing hole cut out. Then that was followed by a layer of applied duct tape. I placed him lying down on the bed face up. He was completely immobilized. Now this is where things got really fun for me. I cut out a holes for his nipples and his penis. While I talked and teased him I put clothes pins on his nipples. Then I got some rope and wrapped up his penis with it, brought the ends of the rope up and tied them around his neck. So you have to imagine his penis being pulled tight upwards. Then I sat on his chest and took a vibrating bullet egg. I placed the egg at the base of his shaft and balls and I randomly played with the controls. he was going nuts…and I was getting horny. While still playing with the egg I positioned my crotch over his face (remember I cut out a hole for his mouth and nose) and instructed him to please me orally with his tongue. It was really hot and I had an intense orgasm. After I removed the rope, bullet and clothespins but played and teased his penis for a while, but of course never to orgasm for him. I then removed the wrapping from his legs so he could kneel and please me again while I laid on the bed. After I removed everything left of the wrapping and I tied him to the bed with his butt up in the air so I could give him a good flogging. Finally I had him thank me by getting a great foot worship session. Nothing turns me on more then a hot guy really sucking my toes. Well yes I had him please me again orally another time there and then permitted him to masturbate to orgasm while he kneeled on the floor in front of me. Its was a really hot scene for me. I love intense sessions like that. And it was nice to lay on the bed in an embrace afterwards too. God I am wet now just writing about it.
How do people react when you share your fetish with them, if anyone knows?
Usually it goes pretty good. I don’t broadcast it but have shared it with good friends. I am lucky to have many close friends who happen to be curious and will bring it up occasionally to learn. But I try to hold myself back because I know they get freaked out by some of the things I say. I have only one person who has faded from my life since I got involved in this scene.
How do you go about finding partners that share your interest?
I don’t have a partner at this time. I have play friends and there is always someone in consideration. It’s really hard to find a devoted partner. It’s just like dating: people have to like each other and want to devote themselves. The best way to find someone is in your local BDSM scene. This could be a play party, a fetish club, an association. There is the internet of course too. There are sites devoted to meeting other BDSMers.
Is your lifestyle expensive?
For the non artistic and non bargain hunters it can be. But there are ways around it. Outfits can be a big one with leather, latex, PVC and 5in platform shoes. There are cheaper sites, Ebay is great, try your thrift store (you never know) and if you can sew you can make some outfits for yourself too.
Toys can be a big ticket when you first look at it. But you can really cut down big time on costs. I am a BIG fan of DIY. I started a group called BDSM Toys Craft Corner on Fetlife and to this day there are over 5000 members. I make most of my toys. Yes I learned to make a really nice flogger…the kind found in stores…for a fraction of the price. I learned to work leather, a bit of metal work, rope work, and wood work. I have made about 75% of my toys and I have a lot. I even started my own little store on my Lady Evyl website.
Can you recommend any resources for people who want to learn more or might even share your fetish?
Oh there are many great books out there. Two of my favorites are Female Domination by Elise Sutton and The Art of Sensual Female Domination by Claudia Varrin. Great websites for information are B.E.S.T. Slave Training, the essay section of The Iron Gate, and the Practice Section of the Fetish Information Exchange.
And of course I must plug myself. I have my Mystress Lady Evyl website with my own personal blog and my store, Evyl Ties, of handmade items by me.Kinky Sex Link is a collaborative effort blog I founded and is made up of the best BDSM and Fetish Bloggers and Authors. It’s a great site to get different first-hand perspectives of the lifestyle. (all links are mostly unsafe for work lol)
Mystress Lady Evyl
Thank you so much for all of the wonderful details and blushes, Lady Evyl! As always, it is a pleasure to speak with you!