Last week I spent some time pondering blow job wisdom shared by a group of same-sex attracted men. In the end, I was left wondering how oral sex might be different if women that aimed to please their men opted to switch to giving blow jobs designed to please their own erotic desires. This week, I’ve been thinking about confidence and greedy, lustful inhibition as it pertains to fat chicks’ sexuality.
Like quite a few other people in this world, I’ve been thinking about April Flores lately…
She has been working on starting a line of plus sized fashion, but I first noticed her months ago. She came to my attention when a reader sent me a link to her own sex toy – a jiggly, realistic men’s sex toy made from a cast of her lower belly, thighs, and vulva. As the first plus sized item of its type, it has inspired lots of online commentary, at least one stained office chair, and even an art show. After a little research I found that she has made it to some mainstream magazine covers and has a well established porn presence. Unlike many of the fat femme fatales of porn, however, she doesn’t belittle her body for the sake of fat humiliation porn. In fact, it’s her love of her own fleshy form that her fans are eating up. Here she is, unabashedly reflecting a pornographic image of a large demographic of American women (among other nationalities) through a sensual, pro-sex, body loving presence. I couldn’t be more thrilled.
I’m not sure how I can describe what it was like seeing her sex toy, nicely packaged in a pro-fat box, at a price of several hundred dollars. The item weighs enough that it is marked for men who want to use the toy to emulate cowgirl (woman on top) sex, with no hint of judgement aimed at the toy or its muse. It jiggles just like April, as she proudly demonstrates in one promotional video. As I stared at it for the first time, several months ago, I felt an odd combination of pride and nervousness. The pride was obvious: there was a fun and sexy recreation of a body that looked more like mainstream America and more like my own body than anything I seen come out of the adult ‘novelty’ industry before. The nervousness? Pardon me while I go theoretical on you; I can’t help it, it comes with the Ph.D. I was nervous because I was faced with a new public definition of the sexual identity of the fat female body: a proudly erotic mainstream consumable for men’s pleasure. I do not say that with any negative connotation, I say it with raw surprise.
What would such a cultural shift mean for the sexual identity of women, especially fat women?
That’s a big question to pin on one sex toy, I know. It’s a sex toy most adult shoppers probably won’t buy (it’s pricey), and many Americans will never see. But there it is, all the same, sold next to the thin, surgically altered, rubberized vulvas of other porn stars, without a hint of negative judgement on the packaging.
I often work with large lovers to help them develop a new sense of their erotic selves, and our culture can make that a difficult task. A pro-sex concept of fatness is usually a semi-private thing in the lives of large women. It exists in communities not usually seen on TV, the ones that the expressway encourages you to quickly commute past. There, the women who wear their clothes “a little too tight” come in XS to 5XL and they can all draw appreciatively explicit comments when they saunter past. You can find it at underground fetish events, where fat women are often adored (as much as any other body type) for their visible love of pleasure. If you know where to look, you’ll see it at smaller independent online stores that offer delightfully trashy lingerie and club wear only for the jiggly ladies. Once a year you’ll find it in Las Vegas, in a huge (but private) event full of fat people and their admirers. And you’ll find it in select bedrooms where cake is enjoyed with sensual abandon and her lover knows in her or his heart, and other places, that more than a mouthful is almost enough.
And now, it is also found in the stores and homes of mainstream adult toy customers who have spent the last few years dreaming of enjoying the feel of a confident, lusty body that jiggles just like April. Thanks for sharing your body with us, April, and for showing everyone that you are well worth our money.