Here at Exploring Intimacy we have been graced with interviews by many male dominants and female submissives. We have been fortunate to be visited by several wonderful female dominants as well, but not quite as many. This week it is my pleasure to share an interview with Lady HotchKiss, a very experienced FemDom who is regularly served by not one, but two submissive men! She also is the author of two blogs: Lady HotchKiss Says and Vanilla On The Outside ONLY! The wonderful Lady HotchKiss took the time to tell us (in lush detail) about how she discovered BDSM by playing the vampire for a lovely lady in her life, and a bit about a very interesting form of sexual play called sounding. Read all about it after the jump!
Please tell us, what is your kink?
I don’t have a particular favorite play activity. The thing that drives Me during play is the moment when someone chooses My wants, needs, and desires over their natural inclination. When things are going well; this is typically the moment I laugh . . . as a stress reliever; but it is not always received that way. Until people understand My laugh reflex, it can be a very humiliating moment!
I live My main kink 24/7; Master/slave (M/s) or Domination/submission (D/s). To the outside world I have very devoted gentlemen of the first order in My life. They do all they can to make My life easier, better, and to fill it with joy and peace. To friends and family (yes, they know!), I have two slaves that do as they are told and live to please Me. Even in the wider BDSM community, this type of kink is considered rather extreme. It is not play or scenes for Me; it is My life.
How did you become interested in the “Lifestyle”?
My first kinky thoughts were when I was about 23. I had been reading romance novels since I was about 12 and had “graduated” to kink erotica when I was about 20. Very bland by today’s standards: Anais Nin and the like. This was enough for a few years; then onto the Story of O and the Sleeping Beauty series. While they appealed; I wasn’t sure why they didn’t really hit the spot. I figured it out though; in those stories women are submissive. That is not Me! Sometime during this period I had a sex journal and wrote a story about CBT (cock and ball torture); that cleared up My role in BDSM pretty quickly.
My first kink experiences were in college with My first girlfriend. She asked Me to do some things; and I did. We didn’t know what we were doing and we just having fun and enjoying each others. Now I know that I started in the deep end of the pool! Suffice it to say; I didn’t spank her!
How do you incorporate your kink into your sexual experiences?
Intercourse: I do continue to have a few vanilla partners; but most of my sexual experiences have a kink component. For instance, biting is a kink that is EASY to incorporate and hide.
Sexual Experiences: Since M/s (Master/slave) is My main kink and I live it 24/7 . . . I would say that I lead a more sexualized life. My life is infused with sexuality. Going to the grocery store, doing laundry, and My nightly bath all have a kink component!
Is there anything you have to be particularly careful about with this kink? If so, how do you handle it?
I do My best to find long-term partners, who are service-oriented and have similar kink interests. There is nothing wrong with casual play; I just prefer to develop a relationship. I think this allows for more robust interactions and provides stability in My life. Since I prefer some privacy I am currently having a BIG room in My home redone as a play room. This way I can play with all the amenities of a club, still have friends over for fun, and have privacy.
One kink that I enjoy is sounds. As a metal rod is allowed to drop (via simple gravitational pull) into a male urethra, infection and permanent damage are the main concerns. Sounds, therefore, need to be done with knowledge, an awareness of the risks, and safety in mind. I saw a demonstration and then went and had personal training from Domina Dea, a local Professional Dominatrix. Additionally, My two slaves have both researched sterilization methods. After multiple discussions, we have settled on a method: separate sounds for each person and a cold sterilization method.
What really works for you about this kink, what aspects turn you on?
M/s: It is really the power exchange. Simply: lubency (this is a word I adopted: a willingness to do something). The willingness and desire to please Me.
Sounds: First, there is no pain! Sounds is a very intimate and sensual experience. It is slow, methodical, planned, sensuous, and totally unique – for both!
Would you please tell us a story or two about sexual experiences you’ve had involving your kink?
First Kink Experience:
Let’s see, I was 24 and with my first female. I had watched her chest rise and fall for months in a variety of college classes. I had pursued her without knowing why. I had my first girl crush; then I kissed her. I had my first embarrassing moment with her; I said, “that was nice” . . . meaning the kiss! Really I had wanted to say . . . YOU ROCKED MY WORLD!
One evening we were naked in bed, enjoying the feel of each other’s skin. I loved playing with her hair; it was so different from my straight fine hair. Hers was coarse and curly. Winding it around my fingers and moving her around the bed with it was a particular favorite pastime; that still manages to bring a smile to my face! We were young and adventurous . . . and without training, experience or skills. Just passion and lubency (a willingness). Her eyes glowed when she talked about vampires, her breathing became visible, and I could almost see her fantasies of being bitten and turned into a vampire. So, when she open her neck to me and whimpered as I licked her neck; I bit, HARD. HARD enough to give an orgasm and break the skin and feel . . .
Her metallic, sweet, warm, sexualized blood flow into me. Flow into my mouth, covering my teeth. What an incredible rush to bite someone until they bled, to feel their blood on your teeth and tongue, to feel like a vampire. A blood sucker. To feel someone’s pulse through their blood.
Yes, this was my first experience! I started with edge play, fluid bonding, blood play, vampirism, and biting. I spent years filing in the gaps!
My First Time With Sounds:
Intensely erotic and sensual, WOW! There were 3 Dommes and My (at the time ) soon to be live-in slave.
Domina Dea, a local Professional Dominatrix and I were on each side of the slave (who was on a table). The other Domme was at the slave’s head. She spent the entire hour soothing him and providing a sense of comfort and stability. First, I got a lesson in sterilization. Then Dea pointed out the relevant anatomy; and after “fiddling” around I found the area at the base of the penis she wanted Me to know about. This is where the sounds should stop; after this point, they are entering areas that significantly increase the risk of infection. She showed and I practiced how to hold the penis with the wrong hand so that the dominant hand is guiding the sound. Phew, the technical part is done . . .
Then we spend an hour inserting larger and larger sounds into the slave’s penis. At one point, she thought that a larger one would go in . . . but when she tried it wouldn’t either. That was a relief! We tried rosebuds; which are sounds that have a ball on the end. I much preferred these as I was better able to feel when they had reached the bottom; turns out the slave preferred them as well. I then put two rosebuds in and stacked them. This allows for multiple sensations inside the penis. WOW! With a little extra pressure from My fingers I could feel them and add additional sensation. Still “sounds” pretty technical!
This was a very focused, deliberate, slow, sensual experience for all 4 people involved. It was an extraordinary way to spend an afternoon.
How do people react when you share your kink with them, if anyone knows?
Sister: My sister is very spiritual and was on a quest to find a religion that spoke to her. She found one about a year ago. She is a Mormon; not a holy roller . . . but a Mormon. When I told her last year, she was quiet and asked a few questions. She told Me that she would get back with Me in a few days. She then immediately called her friend in mental health to talk it through. The decision was that she wants Me to talk with her about My life, just not all the details of play! She is very curious and we discuss it frequently. Personally, I think her husband needs a Domme; the issue there is that she wants traditional roles (sort of).
Mom: Mom and I have always been pretty open about our lives with each other. When I was 18 and just after my parents’ divorce . .. Mom’s advise: sleep with a few before you chose – know what you are getting! Or more recently, Mom got remarried and wanted help picking out lube! So, when I told her last year that I was seeking a 24/7 M/s based relationship; her response was “cool, will you be happy?” Mom and her husband were the first to meet My live-in. It went VERY well . . . I think Mom and My slave are in love with each other – in a platonic way! Nothing like seeing your child happy with a devoted partner to erase any parental concerns.
When I talk about sounds, men tend to grab and protect their package! Which is exactly what I do when people talk about sounds and women!
How do you go about finding partners that share your interest?
Events: I attend “lifestyle” events; dungeon related and otherwise. I have also started a few groups (on Fetlife and in real time) and meet people through those groups.
Demos: I met My current live-in at a sounds demo. It is his first demo and the first time he had done sounds. He was simply incredible . . . the sense of peace and trust was palpable.
Internet: My part-time, I met via a fetish website. This site is good for searching for a particular thing; but not good for developing friendships.
Can you recommend any resources for people who want to learn more or might even share your kink?
PLEASE – Group JUST starting!
Less Work Safe (depends on the firewall and who is watching!)
Anything else you would like to add?
There are many misconceptions about those that are in the “lifestyle”. I would like to address some of them:
I am “normal” . . . I live in an HOA that I detest, I volunteer in My community, I struggle with My weight, I have completed a few triathlons, I have 2 cats, etc. You may be My friend or acquaintance and not know that I am a Dom (Dominant). I tell people: “Vanilla on the outside, ONLY!”
I am a well-respected professional: I have an MBA, I managed a $100m law firm, I was President of a company, and I own and run several businesses.
I was not abused in My childhood, in any way; not emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, sexually, through neglect, or otherwise.
Lady HotchKiss, it has been an honor to interview you! Thank you so much for your true stories, resources and information. For anyone who would like to contact Lady HotchKiss you may email her, contact her by Twitter, and via her profile on FetLife (if you’re a member).
Lady HotchKiss also has two blogs:
Lady HotchKiss Says: FemDom @Play @Work @Home @ Life (more vanilla topics)
Vanilla on the outside, ONLY! Where Sadism Rules. (BDSM related)
Be sure to check out all of the blogs by our interviewees, listed under “Kink & Fetish Blogs,” on the right.
Explore all of the Twisted Tuesday Kink Interviews here!