During last week’s Hit The Spot workshop on G Spot and Prostate seduction there were quite a few good questions, but one was of particular interest to the group.
Can I put this toy in my/his/her butt? How about this other toy? …this one?
What wonderful questions, and the perfect opportunity for a bit of education on what your lovely rear does and does not want inside it! So here you go: six tips for happy anal play!
- You should only insert items with a shape that is designed for anal play. I know exploring is fun, but I really mean that! After all, exploring isn’t so fun if your vibe or veggie gets stuck in your bum and you have to figure out how to explain this to the ER nurses. Happy butt-play items are smooth and have a base that is visibly, significantly wider than that any of the insertable portion. The muscles in your anus can pull slippery insertables inside, where they can shift in position and then not be easily expelled. Just check out the photo, above, if you don’t believe. And yes, this happens often. A flared base is your friend!
- If you need an anal desensitizing spray or cream, you’re doing it wrong. All genders have wonderfully sensitive pleasure nerves in the anus. Those of us that were born with a penis also came equipped with a prostate that loves to be touched when aroused. Your rear will tell you when it is ready to be penetrated, or to have more pushed inside, by loosening up and eagerly accepting the item with only a moderate amount of pressure and no pain. If it hurts, relax, stimulate yourself more, add lots more lube, and stop rushing. That area is sensitive and it is important you know and respond with care if anything hurts. Listen to your sweet little hiney, it will tell you what it wants and when.
- Too much lube is almost enough. Buy a quality product designed for safe anal play, such as a thick gel water-based lube or a silicone lubricant. Both should be condom safe, although silicone lubes and silicone toys don’t usually get along with each other. Keep adding lube from start to finish. It should be very squishy and wet at all times – if you don’t need a towel then you need more lube (and a towel).
- Avoid enemas for cleansing! If you enjoy enemas for kinky fun, then have at it. However, if you’re turning to them for anal cleansing then use caution. Remember, these were created to ease constipation, so they might have an unintended effect! If you really want to use one, then buy a small kit from the drug store, dump out the liquid, wash the container out well, and then fill it with regular old warm tap water. Do this an hour or two before you play, in case it loosens anything up. Really though, I recommend against it. The other chemicals inside can be drying, can leave you with loose bowels, and can be bad for condoms (many have oils in them), and just aren’t necessary. Same goes for douching products, by the way.
- Be at peace with your body. After I talk about point #4 the hands go up and the brows furrow: what if there is a mess? Well, first off, don’t do anal play if your gut is feeling at all off, or after a big/weird meal. After that, you must understand and respect the area that you’re playing with. While a major mess is rare, it’s not too uncommon for very small amounts of poo to be left on whatever went in there. If you can’t deal with that, leave the area alone. That’s all there is to it. But, to add a little class you might want to: dim the lights, play on a dark towel, use black condoms and darker toys, and keep some baby wipes by the bed.
- Be ready to laugh and love together. Nothing beats a good sense of humor, no matter what you’re up to with your lover! I’ve been known to assure shy coaching clients that sex often “feels best when it sounds the worst” and it’s true. When we feel like we can free ourselves from our reservations and anxieties, then we’re in the best place to really enjoy our sexuality with ourselves and our partners. Be the kind of partner that offers that kind of safe and fun experience to your lovers, and expect no less from them.
Feeling inspired? Great! Interested in learning more about how you can bring anal play into your life and relationships? Longing for help with improving sensual communication in your life? You’re in luck! This month I’m offering a complimentary Intimacy Enhancement Consultation by phone and Skype, but I only have so many available and they’re going fast (being free and all). Be sure to call or email me to reserve your appointment now!