Public Speaking

 

An appropriate honorarium or speaker’s fee is expected as well as coverage of all reasonable travel and lodging costs, which may include the costs of workshop assistants, as appropriate.  I do accept a limited number of unpaid speaking engagements each year; spots on that waiting list are reserved for events that serve the community on a break-even or at-loss basis.  Custom designed workshops can also be arranged, depending on topic and budget.

Brief Bio (Head Shot 1, Head Shot 2)

Dr. Ruthie:  Dr. Ruth Neustifter is an author, university faculty member, and sexuality researcher that joins us from snowy Ontario, Canada.  They are also proud to co-chair one of the largest and longest running annual professional sexuality conferences in Canada. Ruthie happily identifies as poly, kinky, sex-queer and gender-queer. Since the late 1990s Ruthie has specialized in sexual well-being and pleasure, as well as the resilience of survivors of intimate violence.  They are the founder and co-host of Sexually Charged Radio, and also the author of The Nice Girl’s Guide To Talking Dirty as well as numerous academic publications and presentations.  Dr. Ruthie given workshops throughout North American as well as in Mexico and Europe in venues ranging from homeless shelters to universities to resorts.  Dr. Ruthie considers themself an advocate for pleasure, intimacy, and sex-positivity regardless of one’s history, gender, health, sexuality, or desires.

Mini-Bio: Dr. Ruthie Neustifter is a Canadian university professor, researcher and author. They’re also a poly, kinky, sex- and gender-queer force with which to be reckoned. Dr. Ruthie has been professionally slinging dildos and spreading pleasure since the late 1990s and especially enjoys working with diversity sexualities, genders and relationship structures, as well as survivors of trauma.

Workshops

Advanced Applied Topics in Sexuality for Psychotherapists, Health Professionals, Outreach Workers and Educators

Workshops of 1 hour to three days can be offered on a variety of topics, designed for established professionals with advanced skills in their field and introductory to intermediate skills in these specific content areas. Please contact me to discuss the specific training needs of your group. I am available to travel or to present online. Readings may be given in advance or not, depending on the training goals and needs of your group/s.

  • Consensual Non-Monogamy: open relationships, swinging, polyamory, and more
  • Working with gender-minorities and sexual-minorities: LGBTQ and more, including less discussed demographics such as asexual, agender, non-binary, etc.
  • BDSM and kink intimacy: whether clients/patients participate in kink activities as for leisure or as part of their identities, we’ll discuss necessary information and approaches for successful practices
  • Sex and disabilities, chronic health concerns, and chronic pain

 

Applied Techniques for Working with Sex- and Gender-Queer Clients

This 4 hour workshop can be tailored to longer or shorter time periods and includes theoretical, research-based, and applied content for introductory and intermediate audiences.

This intensive workshop will help mental health, outreach, and public health professionals provide the caring and informed services that our same-sex attracted and gender-diverse clients deserve. Designed for established professionals at both the beginning and intermediate levels of knowledge in this area, participants will be gently guided through basic and advanced vocabulary, concepts such as conditional outness and microaggressions (inside and outside the therapy room), and systemic implications for the context of outreach, therapy, and healthcare. By the time the training is complete you will have a better understanding of specialized language, including when and how to use it and when it is better to just listen. You’ll be able to recognize the impact of various systemic impacts, and have new tools for assisting clients struggling in these areas. You’ll be better able to adapt your intake paperwork, advertisements, and office to welcome diverse clients. And, you’ll have at least 4 applied techniques and activities that you can use with your clients right away, including an original arts-based relational activity created by Dr. Neustifter.

Authentic Pleasure: Reconnecting With Your Sexual Self

Many people of all genders find themselves disconnected from their sexual selves, caught between life stresses and relationship pressures.  If your sex life no longer feels enticing or intimate, this workshop is for you.  Learn how to rediscover and honour your authentic sexual self, and bring pleasure and connection back to your love life!

This workshop is based on theories and techniques that combine mindfulness and meditation with a critical deconstruction of negative social influences on our pleasure.  Participants will learn about and discuss the pressures that we face to be successful in our love lives, and how that success is rarely defined by our own pleasure, connection, and enjoyment.  They will then be encouraged to privately brainstorm 1-3 beliefs/myths/biases that stand between themselves and pleasure.  Sharing is welcome, but not required.  Participants will create a short message to themselves that affirms and empowers their authentic sexual selves, and be led in a brief meditation based on those messages.

Avoiding Top Burn-Out  (or Lazy Dominance for Sexy, Selfish & Mutually Satisfying Scenes)

Often times those of us who are exploring our dominance find ourselves craving higher intensity while experiencing less and less satisfaction and connection with our partners.  This workshop is designed to help participants who are seeking encouragement and techniques for building more intense, pleasurable connections through a relaxed and low-protocol style of dominance.  Dr. Ruthie will offer a series of lively demonstrations and opportunities for audience participation that address issues of over-performance, top burnout, identity loss, gender expectations, disparate levels of S&M interest, warm-up & after care for tops, and more.  Bottoms will also benefit from learning how to encourage their tops to facilitate in ways that are more relaxing for the top yet more satisfying for both of you.

Draw Your Bits!

Dr. Ruthie combines the best parts of show & tell, arts & crafts, and being naked in this happy and colourful event!  You’ll begin by looking at and appreciating our own genitals.  Not sure what’s what in your undies?  Raise your hand and Dr. Ruthie will be there to help you on your self guided tour.  Afterward, it’s time for markers and glitter, as we create imaginative portraits of our bits.  Or use our art supplies to decorate yourself and a partner!

Defining SexPositivity for Your Practice and Your Clients

What does sex-positive mean, and how can it impact your practice as well as the intimacy of your clients?   Participants will review current approaches, then be guided through the creation of two types of definitions of sexpositivity: one for professional use, and the other as a therapeutic activity for clients working on sexual concerns.

The term “sexpositivity” came into use decades ago, but has recently become popular among professionals and businesses working in various fields of sexual health, well-being, and pleasure. What does sex-positive mean, and how can sexpositivity impact your practice as well as your clients? This workshop will review several current, leading approaches to the concept and explore its importance. Participants will then critically examine two types of definitions of sexpositivity: one for professional use, and the other as a therapeutic activity for clients working on sexual concerns. The presenter will then guide participants in drafting their own professional definitions, based on an established framework. Finally, the participants will be shown how to use the activity with clients in order to develop therapeutic goals and enhance sexual connection and communication. Participants will receive worksheets for each of the two activities, as well as (free) access to digital copies of the forms to use in their own practices.

Dirty Talk for the Shy

Learn the secrets to developing your own style of verbal seduction from the author of The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty!  Don’t worry,  though, this workshop is for practicing verbal seduction with all genders.  By the end of this interactive class even the most shyparticipants will leave with the skills to start talking dirty and flirting their way into a memorable predicament at this year’s event.  Whether you’re sweet and shy or bold and daring, you’re sure to have fun learning these oral skills.

Dirty Stories & DIY: Masturbation Party

Be your own lover in this hands-on event dedicated to the delights of sharing in each other’s sexual energy while touching only yourself.  Dr. Ruthie will host this special party with the help of their favourite lube fairies, and hand mirrors for those who like to watch themselves work it. Listen to erotic stories read out loud by Dr. Ruthie, focus on the sounds of your fellow self-lovers, or bring your own music and earbuds.  Whether you’re a pro at fingering it out, or a novice to the joys of wanking, you’re sure to enjoy the erotic experience of this sexually charged environment. All participants are expected to stay rooted, this is not an event for those seeking to wander and watch. You are invited to bring pillows, blankets, towels, sex toys, or whatever other tools you like to use for self pleasuring. All genders and sexualities are warmly invited to join in the fun.

This is a nude workshop with sexual content and self-touching. Hosts must ensure the location is secure, warm, and comfortable with necessary supplies for the event. If this event is not local, the host may need to help provide volunteer lube fairies. Supplies, clean-up, towels, sheets, etc., are the responsibility of the host and attendees. I’m happy to help consult on what materials are necessary and how the space might be adapted to be as welcoming as possible. A sound system is handy for music, but not necessary. If you would like me to bring erotica on a certain theme please let me know, otherwise I usually bring stories grounded in exhibitionism and voyeurism for this event. No recording, pictures, or social media are allowed during the event.

Fantasies For The Shy

Learn how to discover your inner sex god/dess and get playful in the bedroom!  This workshop will help you learn what excites you, how to invite your partner to explore, and offer you tips for bringing your fantasies to life.  You’ll leave with everything you need for a sexy new adventure!

This workshop discusses the nature of fantasies, what makes them fun, and then breaks fantasies down into their hottest components. Singles and couples/triads/etc. will all feel welcome.  Participants were invited to fill out their own fantasy-building worksheet while also contributing to a group fantasy with Dr. Ruthie.  You may choose to share your new fantasies or simply enjoy listening.  This workshop is designed specifically for participants who are new to workshops, a bit shy, or who are working on developing their fantasies.  It’s an ideal workshop to help folks warm in and feel welcome in a relaxed and caring atmosphere without skimping on erotic, exciting content.

Finding Pleasure After Trauma

We each deserve pleasure, regardless of our pasts.  But how can we find our sensual and sexual selves after trauma?  Dr. Ruthie brings their extensive experience in helping others discover how to nurture the return of pleasure after pain.  Attendees will gain new insight and tools for rediscovering joy and intimacy. 

This workshop will focus on survivors of intimate partner violence, sexual assault, medical trauma, childhood sex abuse, and other traumas.  This workshop is grounded in trauma recovery theory focused on mindfulness, grounding, restoring, and reclaiming of the self and uses techniques common in strengths-based social work, positive psychology, and the narrative approach.  Participants will not be asked to disclose the source of their traumas during the workshop, and instead will be invited to quietly reflect, draw, or write as needed so as to keep the space as safe and comfortable as possible for everyone.  This workshop is best for participants who are no longer in a high-risk situation (ie: no longer dating their abuser), with the exception of those who face ongoing medical interventions. 

(Helping Clients) Find Pleasure After Trauma

We each deserve pleasure, regardless of our pasts. But how can we help our clients find their sensual and sexual selves after trauma? Dr. Ruthie Neustifter brings their extensive experience in helping others discover how to nurture the return of pleasure after pain. Attendees will gain new insight and tools for assisting their clients (individual, relational, and groups) with rediscovering joy and intimacy. The participants will learn about the systemic dimensions of healing from sexual trauma. This will include defining concepts as: agency, resistance, resilience, and power from perspectives that include relational thinking and awareness of larger systems within which clients live. This workshop will focus on survivors of intimate partner violence, sexual assault, medical trauma, childhood sex abuse, and other traumas. The session is based in trauma recovery and resilience theories with foci on mindfulness, grounding, restoring, and reclaiming of the self. We will explore various uses of techniques common in strengths-based social work, positive psychology, and the narrative approach along with systemic approaches. Participants will explore the impact of family and larger systems on survivors, and learn how to weave these diverse elements in their work using several featured applied techniques. Attendees will have the opportunity to try several activities themselves, process how it worked, and learn how to facilitate them in various contexts. Participants will not be asked to disclose the source of their traumas while experiencing the activities during the workshop. By the end of the workshop you will be able to invite your own clients to quietly reflect, draw, write, and share verbally within a space that is safe, comfortable, and honouring of their own contexts and histories. This workshop is designed for therapists of, and who work with, all sexualities, genders, and relationship structures. It will also emphasize the systemic nature of healing after the trauma. Long term healing is impacted by a great number of internal as well as systemic factors, the focus will be primarily on the latter and how strengths work can invite family and larger systems to co-create great experiences of resilience, healing, and pleasure. This workshop is best for participants who are working with clients that are no longer in a high-risk situation (i.e: no longer dating their abuser), with the exception of those who face ongoing medical interventions.

Lip Service – Guided Kissing Games

Grab your sweetie/s as you are guided through kissing games for all couples and groups where participation is strongly encouraged! Practice new ways to tease and please your partner through kissing. You’ll leave with new skills for slowing it down and heating it up in ways you can enjoy anywhere, anytime. Arrive with one or more partners, or come a few minutes early to find others looking to meet someone new.

Lovingly Objectified: Advanced Dirty Talk Techniques

Verbal objectification doesn’t need to be humiliating or degrading! Learn to use your sharp tongue and creative mind to make your partners feel simultaneously submissive and cherished. Watch live demos and follow-along in small groups as Dr. Ruthie guides you through plotting out how to treat your lovers to nurturing kindness that can be both difficult and intimate to receive. Attendees will leave having watched (or tried!) three different techniques, all rooted in an approach for loving verbal objectification that can be used in a myriad of ways.

 

Pet Park

Come wag your tail and get your belly rubs at our interspecies pet park! Water bowls, treats, plus a selection of toys will be provided and you’re also welcomed to bring goodies to share. All well socialized pups, kitties, ponies, and other creatures (including handlers) are welcomed, while your gear is welcome it is not required in order to join in the fun. Dr. Ruthie will be on hand with treats and scritches, as well as to welcome all pets including any that are shy or without a handler.  Please plan appropriately for knees and paws/hooves/etc., as neither floor mats nor other equipment will be available in this space. This is a non-sexual event.

(note: This event is for humans who enjoy platonic frollicing while role-playing as well behaved animals. No actual animals are involved.) 

 

Poly 101: Navigating the Joys and Jealousies of Opening Your Relationship

What does it mean to open a relationship, and how do people navigate the hard parts in order to enjoy the pleasures of sharing our hearts and bodies with more than one? This workshop will help attendees understand some of the most common poly relationship structures and address many of the most frequent concerns and joys.  Poly 101 is designed for attendees of all genders and sexualities who are new non-monogamy, or who are seeking foundational support, information, and tools for opening up more successfully.

Sacred Center Vulva Mandalas

Mandalas have been utilized around the world for centuries as a method of meditation, personal exploration, and expressing of the connection between ourselves and the infinite.  Mandalas take many forms in art and nature, and in this workshop we will be inspired by our own bodies.  Join Dr. Ruthie as they guide participants in creating their own mandala art inspired by labia, clits, vaginas and the rest of the vulva!  Bring your own vulva and a mirror, or find a muse among your fellow participants.  Paper and art supplies will be provided, or you may bring your own. At the end of the workshop we will combine our projects into one unified display before taking our own pieces home with us.

Scene Negotiation Improv for Beginners

If you’re hoping to have an amazing and consensual scene (with or without BDSM) then effective communication between all partners is a must. Learn Dr. Ruthie’s top tips for solid scene planning, negotiation, and active ongoing consent.  Then practice getting comfortable with using basic negotiation skills through lighthearted improv games.  Attendees will leave with a handout to help structure their future negotiations. This workshop is especially suited for those who are newer to direct verbal negotiation around play, and is also designed to be helpful to those who are unsure what they want from their dates. All genders and sexualities are warmly invited to join in the fun.

This workshop requires attendance of at least 6 eager participants and can be scaled up to very large groups. Open space is necessary, rooms with chairs that cannot be moved may not be suitable for this event. 

Sexy Spanking As Foreplay

Learn how to tease and arouse your lovers (and yourself) through spankings designed with pleasure in mind.  Watch Dr. Ruthie’s live, clothed demonstrations and see what a seductive spanking can be.  You’ll discover the secrets to a soft touch, a firm hand, and perfectly delicious pacing as well as techniques for turning spanking into an exciting twist on foreplay and sex.  Leave ready to practice your new skills right away so you can enjoy sexy spankings by themselves or as a kinky path to further intimacy.  This workshop is designed especially to those who are newer to spanking and kink!

Sharp Tongues for Mean Tops
Take your dirty talk to new lows with this class on verbal humiliation and objectification. This workshop will help you explore different tones and purposes for wielding your words with sadistic glee, from playful sparring to shaming degradation. You’ll learn how to tap into darker inspirations and fantasies, as well as how to improve your pacing and creativity when crafting scenes based in this style of play. Both tops and bottoms will learn tips for negotiating safe boundaries, checking in as you go, and aftercare. Attendees should come prepared to witness intense and offensive verbal content. However, while attendees may apply this content to any area they like, the presenter will not include examples with race or religious play nor humiliation based on sex- or gender-queerness in this workshop.

 

Speak Up! No Holds Barred Q&A

Throw a truly unique party that your guests will never forget by making Dr. Ruthie your very own sex educator for the night! Drop Dr. Ruthie a line to discuss how to tailor their visit to your event size, attendance, and theme. They can show up with gifts for attendees, a lovely anonymous question box, and they can even set up an anonymous survey in advance. No question on sex, sexuality, gender, dating, or relationships is too modest or taboo with Dr. Ruthie!  Speak Up nights are perfect for bachelor and bachelorette parties, birthdays, social nights, speed dating events, networking events, collarings, fundraisers, pride parties, divorce parties, health centres, and more.

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