May 062011
 

In spite of all the bad press, I can tell you with absolute certainty that the world is full of amazing guys who really care about pleasuring their partners.  Yes, that even includes straight guys!  At a recent workshop for men with female partners, I reviewed twelve top myths about male sexuality that I see as a coach.  When it came time to talk about the specifics of anatomy, pleasure, and technique, I wanted to make sure that guys would have resources they could use at home, too. So, I passed this DVD around and suggested that they each consider getting a copy for themselves and their sweeties.  I don’t usually recommend a specific product (versus a general range of products) at my workshops, but this video is such an excellent blend of sexiness, education, and comfortable tone, there just isn’t anything better on the topic.

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms is a must-have, sexy educational video on female pleasure

 

Tristan Taormino is known for her excellent and sexy educational videos, and she continues to impress me with the quality of her DVD offerings.  This recent video offering from Vivid Video is a guide to female pleasure and orgasm, and it is the best one of its type that I have seen.  It starts with great discussions of technique and then some sexy interviews, followed by long explicit scenes featuring authentic female pleasure, one couple at a time.

The Expert Guide features an ethnically diverse cast made up of popular stars from both the mainstream heterosexual and queer porn worlds.  It’s full of accurate, concise information on the female anatomy and orgasm, with both male/female and female/female couples demonstrating their chemistry, arousal, and orgasms in a very female-centric manner.  As you might guess, the video has a huge emphasis on female orgasm; it’s the centerpiece of the explicit scenes, with only two male orgasms taking place during the entire DVD and no facial come shots.  Since the female performers in this video chose their partners for their scenes, the chemistry shows in their genuine interactions.  There are also a lot of extras with information on toys, Kegel exercises, masturbation and other related topics.

There is very little negative to say about the Expert Guide to Female Orgasms.  Those who are simply watching to see women getting off will need to do some fast-forwarding to get past the educational beginning, but the sexy explicit scenes are worthwhile even if they are the only portion you watch; it’s tough to find real female orgasms in porn, and so exciting and refreshing to see such powerful ones as are on this DVD.  Also, while the body types of the performers are diverse, there aren’t any particularly fat cast members, so those who are interested in bodies with more cushion may feel a bit left out.

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms is one of my most highly recommended educational videos.  It’s absolutely perfect for couples with a female partner to watch and enjoy together in order to learn about her pleasure.  I’d be surprised to hear from anyone who can make it to the end of the video without trying some of its suggestions themselves before it’s over!

 

Sep 302010
 
vibrator patent

images from what may be the first vibrator patent

I’ve put together this video on enjoying your first vibrator after a special request of one of my wonderful clients.  Watch and learn where and how to use a vibrator on the main lady in your life for exploration, intimacy and lots and lots of pleasure!  Thanks so much to FunWares for making this educational series possible!

May 132010
 


Creative, sexy, wearable and very pleasurable for solo or partnered play, the We-Vibe 2 is a fantastic sex toy with several improvements on the already-awesome original.

  • Toy:  We-Vibe 2 (sent by Babeland.com for review)
  • Type: 7-mode dual vibrator, innie/outtie, wearable, rechargeable, water resistant,
  • Manufacturer: Standard Innovation Corp. (basically, the We-Vibe people)
  • Material: medical grade silicone
  • Price: $99
  • SMT rating: This is a moderately powerful toy, but since it clips right now it isn’t SMT-powerful.  Still, very satisfying.
We-Vibe 2

We-Vibe 2

The latest model of the We-Vibe, We-Vibe 2, has the attractive features of being both more dynamic and lower priced than the original sex toy! This two-vibrator design provides satisfying vibrating-pressure sensations to the G-spot, as well as pleasurable stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse and play with toys as well as on its own.

This vibration item can also enhance time spent in solitary activities such as watching videos, writing and reading. It is designed for a little bit of motion, but may not adapt well to walking around. Experimenting with a partner is suggested when first learning to use the toy in order to find the most appealing movements. Its smooth silicone surface should be enhanced with water-based lubricant.

Used with an insertion toy or a partner’s body part of choice, the We-Vibe 2 will offer added G-spot stimulation. This rechargeable and easy-to-use toy features an improved off and on switch and 7 different movement patterns, besides “low” and “high” settings. It is well built and can be left on the recharger for use at a moment’s notice. It’s also suggested for use by those with limited mobility to enhance pleasure.

This is a fantastic vibe for women to wear (yes, wear) solo and with their partners, even during intercourse!  Check out the video above to learn more about the We-Vibe 2 and suggestions for some very creative uses.  And remember, I don’t accept any commission money or other benefits from sales – it’s all about education for my readers and clients!

But don’t just take my word for it – even Crissy (of ToyWithMe), her man (Ken), and her martini love it!

  • View all my Babeland reviews, including the Mystic Wand G-Spot Attachment that goes with this toy.
Jan 272010
 
  • Toy: Jenna’s Double Play (sent by Lustique)
  • Type: Dual vibe, waterproof, innie/outtie combo, basic rabbit style vibe, 2 AA batteries
  • Manufacturer: Doc Johnson
  • Material: phthalate-free, flexible jelly-like material
  • Price: $24.99
  • SMT rating: 1

The good folks at Lustique have sent me several delightful toys to review, and it’s my pleasure to introduce you to this lovely, pink lady.  Jenna’s Double Play is a waterproof, battery powered, innie/outtie combo vibe designed to give both vaginal and clitoral stimulation at the same time.  It’s made of a phthalate-free free, softly scented, flexible material that feels like an upgrade of the old jelly rubber that used to be so popular before we learned that it was nearly impossible to get clean and likely toxic.  So, if you miss the days of jelly rubber toys, you definitely want to take a look at this one!  The design resembles the classic rabbit vibe type of toys, but without the internal beads or oscillating action, which some folks like and others avoid.

The video above demonstrates how to use the vibe, and how quietly it runs.  Take a look to learn more about it and how to use it.  You can even watch me introduce Jenna’s Double Play to Venus, my loyal stunt vulva.

You know, this is a fun, basic toy, especially for the price.  It’s good for beginners and regular toy lovers, and especially nice for couples. You can use it by itself, or add your fingers for extra clitoral sensation.  Good stuff!

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Aug 102009
 

I do hope you enjoy my first video review, complete with catchy intro music!

  • FemBlossom by Emotional Bliss

    FemBlossom by Emotional Bliss

    Toy: The FemBlossom

  • Type: premium battery powered vibrator, heating (rechargable)
  • Manufacturer: Emotional Bliss
  • Material:  hard plastic, with antibacterial silver ions in the plastic
  • Cost: $99.95
  • SMT rating: 1 – 3 (depending on settings), with accompanying heat

The Femblossom comes from Emotional Bliss, a wonderful company with a unique approach to designing toys that stand apart.  They produce especially great products for women just learning to explore their own bodies with toys or who have not been satisfied with other products on the market.  The FemBlossom is no exception, and proves to be a fantastic outty vibe!

My Femblossom was sent to me for review and arrived well packaged, including an AC adapter, two small bottles of lubricant (water and silicone based), and a wonderful instruction manual.  The manual goes over the functions of the toy, including all 9 settings at 3 different levels of power annnnd it also heats!  I should mention that it is made with a silver ion technology in the plastic that gives it anti-bacterial properties when wiped down with water.

The Femblossom is designed as an outty toy, for use on the vulva including the clitoris, but not for insertion.  As you can see from the video, it’s curved to match the body and lay at the outside of the vulva, or directly stimulate the clit by pressing the curved section against the vulva or using the tip of the vibe.  It has subtle texture, not enough to overwhelm but enough to notice.  As you turn up the vibrations, you also turn up the heat.  The power button is located within easy finger’s reach, and you can scroll through the 9 settings using the + and – buttons.  It gets very powerful and very warm, but can also have a mild thrum with lower heat for those who prefer a softer touch, or who like to warm up gently.

Like its inny-outty sister, the Womolia, this is an excellent premium toy with dynamic uses.  Most toys with a powerful motor are good for getting off but not warming up, this one has a range that goes from sweetly seductive to very intense.  The heat function can be both relaxing and stimulating, and proves to be highly enjoyable.

For those who prefer an outty-only vibrator that does not look anything like a phallus, this is a phenominal choice!  It’s easy to use with partners, and to accompany penetration, solo or partnered. The buttons are easy to press and do not require a great deal of finger strength or dexterity and the toy is light and easy to hold. The battery even holds a charge for a long time!  Like the Womolia, I can’t find anything wrong with this toy, and am very happy to give it my whole hearted recommendation as a fantastic toy for beginners and experienced toy lovers!

Check out all of the toys that have been Play Tested here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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Jul 032009
 

Dr. Ruthie,

My last girlfriend told me that she was faking it with me.  She told me that when we broke up. I was totally surprised and hurt.  How can I know if my next girlfriend is faking orgasms? Sean

Sean,

Thanks for your great question.  First, let me say that I’m sorry to hear that your last relationship ended on such a painful note.  I would also feel shocked and hurt to hear such a thing.  It’s possible she lied about it, but either way that doesn’t answer your question.

Women fake their orgasms for many reasons.  She may not have known how to orgasm, or you may not have known how to help her have one.  Girls can get sexual performance anxiety too, so she may have felt like she needed to hurry up and fake getting off in order to be a good partner.  Perhaps she was getting bored, or was afraid that she was boring you.    Sometimes girls who don’t really want to be having sex (or keep having sex) will go ahead and fake an orgasm to “get it over with.”  I could keep listing possibilities all day.  These situations make me wonder about her self-esteem and self-awareness, both partner’s sexual skill levels, the expectations of each other, and the quality of the relationship.

I suggest that you begin your quest to avoid faked orgasms by using your mouth… and ears.  As you’re getting to know your next partner, ask her about the sexual things she has enjoyed in the past and things she didn’t enjoy so much.  As you’re talking, you might also ask about whether she has had orgasms, and if she knows what helps her to have them.  While some folks are shy to talk about these things, it can turn into a fun and sexy conversation that teaches you both about how to be good lovers for each other.  If she has regular orgasms, especially by masturbating, you might encourage her to do this for you so you can see what she likes and how she does it.  This is also a very hot way to have safer sex, as you can be intimate by watching each other and masturbating side-by-side without any risk. Whether you’re exploring her body with yours or watching each other explore, be sure to have lots of high quality lube around.  This helps to keep things happy and wet for her, even if the learning process is slow, funny or awkward.  Remember that you can take as long as you need to learn together, and that you can stop and start whenever you like without feeling bad.

A good long term, sexual relationship is built on strong communication and mutual trust.  While I am sad to hear how your last relationship ended, I also suspect that there were other problems with communication in addition to the faked orgasms (if she really was faking).  If you and your new partner cannot speak about and be supportive of each other’s sexual wants and needs in advance, then that should be a big warning sign of other problems.  And remember, these conversations (and demonstrations) can be fun, sexy, flirtatious and intimate in addition to useful!

However, you asked how to tell if she is faking.  An orgasm is a powerful experience that taps into many parts of the body, making it somewhat hard to deceive… a scientist.  A scientist can look at scans of the brain’s responses, check bodily chemical/hormone levels, measure vaginal contractions, and watch for other signs like clenching toes, changes in skin tone and respiration, etc..  But what about your typical lover, caught in the heat of the moment with a partner who is sending every signal that she is enjoying herself?  This is not the time to be suspiciously watching her to judge her orgasms, as it is likely to ruin the fun for both of you and lead her to wonder why you don’t trust her.  If you have made every effort to communicate well and then worked together to learn how to please her, then relax and enjoy the experience.  In the end, if you demonstrate that you are caring, patient and interested but she still fakes then she will miss out on the opportunity to develop sexual intimacy with you.  That is her loss.

Read all of my Q&A with Dr.Ruthie posts.

Feeling stuck or confused about something to do with sex & intimacy? I would love to hear your question. You can find my email and all of the fine print on my Sex Q&A tab, above.

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