May 162009

Sharing Your Sexy Secrets Well Can Be A Pleasurable Part of Emotional Intelligence

Sharing Your Sexy Secrets Well Can Be A Pleasurable Part of Emotional Intelligence

The Telegraph, a UK newspaper, puts out some interesting stuff.  I was quite disappointing, however, in their reporting on some very cool research on the role of women’s emotional intellegence in the bedroom.  The headline shouts “Intelligent women enjoy sex more than ‘bimbos’, research finds: Women with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, new research suggests.”  What sounds like interesting research was baddly butchered in this article.  Unnamed Telegraph writer, I would like to invite to you discuss your choice of language over tea.  Topics covered will include both sexism and inaccurate reporting.

Lets focus the good stuff from this fascinating study and pretend that the “b word” was never used, shall we?  We all love good research with findings that can be applied in favor of sexy talk and fantasies!  (more after the jump)

Continue reading »

Dec 242008
A Lil Subway Lovin, Ho Ho Ho Style (Thanks Dlisted)

A Lil’ Subway Lovin’, Ho Ho Ho Style (Thanks Dlisted)

No no, it’s not a new season of your favorite trashy “reality” show.  It’s the time of snow in the north, mild temps in the south, and love all around!  Even Santas can’t resist the urge to share a little pleasure, and you know the guy next to them is actually smiling deep inside his cold heart.

If you’re in the USA, Canada or UK and alone this week, I’d like to give you a quick call to wish you all the best for the holidays and new year.  Email me your name (nickname is fine), start/province/country, phone number, and the holiday you celebrate, and I’ll give you a call this week sometime between 9-5 in your time zone.  ExploringIntimacy (at) gmail (dot) com will get it to me.  Please don’t leave your private info here on the blog.

Thanks to all of you for making this blog such a fun project for the past year.  I look forward to a new year with many new posts, and to continuing to meet some of you as I travel and do workshops.

Lastly, as many of you know, I’m working to wrap up my dissertation and am in need a few more people who are interested in being interviewed for a special project.  If you or someone you know lives in the south-east USA, fits the criteria below, and may want to leave more about an interview, please email me at the same address (exploringintimacy (at) gmail (dot) com) for more information.  My goal is to complete my interviews by early January.  I’m also doing Interviews in south/central Michigan until the end of the month.

Are you in a nonabusive, nonviolent relationship now, after leaving a physically or emotionally violent or abusive relationship in the past?
I’m Ruth Neustifter, a doctoral candidate at the University of Georgia.  I have worked with survivors of domestic violence for years, and am now doing a research project in this area.  I’m interested in how survivors of intimate partner violence (physical, verbal and emotional) make the transition out of the violent relationship, and into new relationships with a nonviolent partner.  My research project explores positive things about these survivors, and how they create and maintain their new, nonviolent relationships.  This study involves brief questionnaires, followed by interviews with these survivors. If you would like to learn more about this study, or to find out if you qualify to participate, leave a message for me with your name and phone number.  You may also visit for more information.  Please pass this information on to anyone you know who may be interested in participating!

Pax et Amor!

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Jun 142008


Although the parent’s portal at U of Florida’s website doesn’t mention it, research suggests that at least some of these students are having enjoyable sex with each other.

photo: New York Times


Live has reported that women like sex!  Alright ladies, that’s the green light, lets go!  Perhaps the more surprising finding is that, once in a relationship in which women presumably felt safe, they then ceased to worry so much about societal gender roles.  At that point women then and express as much of a desire for sex as men.  Now that is a finding that will surprise quite a few folks.  Men were also better able to buck societal stereotypes and influences about their gender once in relationships.  Good work fellow researchers, now lets take it to the next step and try to figure out how to get that same sense of freedom and desire for healthy, happy pleasure in all aspects of life, even while single.  I’ll get right to work on designing that study…

   I was impressed that the study, according to Live Science, showed that both men and women prized sexuality in relationships for it’s ability to build closeness and relational health, and even improve self confidence.  I can’t quite tell from the article how they found that result, but I read that they did.  On top of it, this study was predictably done on some undergrad psych students at the University of Florida, so one must be cautious in generalizing to the rest of the world.  I’m sure many an undergrad psych student is reading this blog – so there you go.  Keep up the good sex, Gators, even if you are our sworn rivals. article – here 

Jun 112008 - I have no idea if they're any good

image from – I have no idea if they’re any good. I just liked the image.

According to a Rueters report on a survey by LavaLife, an online dating site (so, we might have a little bit of a skewed sample here, but still…), those in the newly grandparenting generation are enjoying their sexual pleasure, with an eye for keeping their sex spicy! Baby boomers are those born roughly between the mid-1940s and mid-1960s, and comprise the biggest leap in population that North America has ever documented. Now, as they move into retirement and grandparenting (assuming they have the resources for both), those that are single are NOT settling down. Lavalife surveyed 1000 single baby boomers and found that over 1/3 would have sex on the first date, about double that of the generation younger than them. 1/4 are cool with threesomes, and about 1/3 are looking for casual dating while about the same number are interested in a more committed situation. Only 10% wanted to get married while over half of their kids (aged 30-39) wanted a spouse. Say what you will about hippies turned yuppies, but this generation has clearly not forgotten their sexual revolution and is ready to keep swinging!

Jun 062008

image: The Natural Contours Energie Kegel Exerciser

The National Partnership for Women and Families has posted a summary of recent findings on nonsurgical treatments for incontinence. They citte lots of good sources, including USA Today and the original NIH study. Basically, 1/5-1/3 of women have piddle problems, but the majority don’t seek treatment either out of shame or a lack of awareness. While surgery is pretty darned effective, it isn’t desirable or available for everyone. Women who pee a bit when they sneeze or cough have what’s called Stress Incontinence, and over half of them can fix up the problem by doing pelvic floor exercises, including Kegels! Yay Kegels! It’s even more effective when technology is used to allow women to watch their muscles working through a computer.

Although it wasn’t mentioned in the write up, Kegels also help with sexual pleasure, birthing, and orgasms. Plus, they’re a fun way to kill time in traffic jams on the way home from work. Men and women can do them, by the way. Although women don’t need to use aids for it, it can be helpful to consider purchasing a vaginal product designed to help you flex the correct muscles. Curious for more information? See the links below for more info, check us out a workshop, or go ahead and click the “communicate” link at the top to drop us a line.

NPWF Article

Original NIH Research Report

Victoria Vulva teaches how to do Kegels on YouTube

(I have one of those puppets, too, but I usually don’t have her talk when I teach Kegels…..)

Destin Gerek of teaches the fellas how to do it and why via YouTube. Heck you can even work them along with him! Plus he is really friggin’ attractive…

(Be careful sitting on that lighter, Destin! Also, he keeps his clothes on but the language is not safe for most people’s jobs. Then again, is a talking vagina work-safe? Thank goodness both are a part of my job!)

The Mayo-Clinic’s Kegel How-To


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Jun 052008

After years of researching indicating decreases in numbers of sexually active teens and increases in condom use by the same population, rates have ceased to improve. Recent stats look like those findings are reversing, meaning more teens may be sexually active while fewer use condoms. This data came from the 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the CDC and has been wildly reported across sexual health and well being news outlets. This time around, the survey showed that about 1/3 or high schoolers have sex, while short of 2/3 thirds of the sexually active use condoms. Results have slowly worsened over the 2000s, including the number of youth having sex before the age of 13 (yes, 13), those with 4+ partners, and those who have had sex in the past few months (prior to the survey). Continue reading »